When I mention my current mindset, I am not referring to academic achievements, which are something everyone can achieve and are often influenced by personal standards and social circles. Instead, I’m referring to who I am on a societal level. This arises from being in certain situations, listening to others’ experiences and sometimes accepting things as they are, even though they may not align with my own beliefs. Or maybe this comes from a lack of courage to express differing viewpoints from what we have been taught.

You might ask if I’ve achieved something that only boys can do, but that hasn’t been the case. Instead, after every success, I’ve encountered a specific sentence, and its frequency has gradually reinforced acceptance. Sometimes, when you think differently from your environment, you feel like you don’t belong, so you try to fit in. Worse, you might even try to remain in that environment. The comfort of belonging to a group can often outweigh the courage required to stand alone with a different opinion, especially at a young age.

Currently, I have many unanswered questions in my mind. A lack of courage and shyness prevent me from asking them out loud for fear of judgment. This fear is closely linked to the modesty that we are taught early on, which then leads to a reluctance to voice our concerns. Refusing or not initiating such conversations also comes from the inferiority complex that society tries to instill in us, suggesting that silence is more appropriate than the willingness to have such conversations.

However, here are some questions that perhaps hold the answers:

• Does this come from families’ relentless desire for each child to be a boy, characterized by his physical strength?
• Does this happen due to people’s remarkable capacity to adapt to a certain mindset, coupled with the inability or even unwillingness to resist it?
• Is it because girls have always been expected to achieve less, due to the responsibilities and obligations they have to bear from an early age?
• Is this simply a form of parental bragging, without any deeper intentions?

There are many questions on various levels that can make the answer to each question more complicated. However, we must explore these levels. Sometimes, the change we need at home, at school, in society and beyond, begins with asking questions.

Maybe, today is the time to start

I believe it’s important to consider opinions on this issue within a historical context, as history may also play a role in why this happens. An incomprehensible desire for a large number of male successors and the belief that only they can replace the current generation, is just one reason.

When asking why this happens, the general opinion is that it doesn’t apply to all age groups and is mainly prevalent in older generations. If this question were asked to a friend of mine, they’d likely respond with something like, “This is just an outdated and provincial mentality.” But for me, the answer is simply that it will take a lot of time. 

But if you were to ask this question to my 86-year-old grandmother, you might quickly find the conversation over, as her response might be along the lines of, “Why would you want girls?”

As for my father, I think his views on the matter are somewhat hidden. He would likely say that it’s only a nickname to express his love, although I do not clearly understand the reasoning behind this particular nickname.

In this situation, a different type of courage is required.

Maybe it’s not a problem, maybe it’s just a temporary belief, but I will still be my father’s “good son.” I hope this way of thinking doesn’t persist further or find support from others. We have only taken small steps towards progress, which unfortunately allows this attitude to endure a little longer.

It is not that this way of being talked to has a certain impact, because I have faced and heard other situations similar to this, but there is a clash with the way I have molded myself, my feminist beliefs and sense of self.

Perhaps persistently addressing this issue could change it, but it would take time. Maybe now is the time to start.

Feature Image: Majlinda Hoxha / K2.0.