The tension between the desire for emotional connection and the fear of its demands reveals a fundamental truth about human nature: our early experiences shape every relationship we form later in life. Childhood is our first philosophy — an unspoken framework that defines our beliefs about love, security and trust. When these early lessons teach us to suppress our emotions, we risk building shallow relationships that fail to reflect the depth of connection we quietly long for.

By spending time around people, listening to them and observing their daily lives, whether in deep conversations or brief moments, I’ve come to understand how often we function in ways that do not serve us. One of the recurring patterns I’ve noticed is emotional neglect: a lack of connection that often stems from early experiences we didn’t know how to cope with at the time. As a psychologist, I’ve seen this not only in others, but also within myself, which has led me to reflect more deeply on how we grow up and how we relate to ourselves and those around us.

Parental emotional neglect of children is a problem that often goes unnoticed, yet it profoundly affects a child’s emotional life and overall well-being. It occurs when parents dismiss or ignore their child’s feelings, fail to listen or do not offer emotional support. As a result, children grow up with unmet emotional needs that they often do not know how to recognize, name or express.

Unlike physical abuse, which is visible and easier to identify, emotional neglect is more subtle, often manifesting as a lack of emotional support and connection. Children raised in such environments often struggle with trusting others, fear emotional vulnerability and tend to suppress or avoid their own feelings.

The consequences of a lack of emotional support can be profound — affecting not only self-esteem and emotional regulation, but also future relationships. According to psychologist John Bowlby’s attachment theory, strong emotional bonds between parents and children are essential for healthy emotional development. When these bonds are not properly formed — due to stress, lack of knowledge or social pressures — children can develop insecure attachments, the effects of which can last a lifetime.

These challenges are not solely the result of societal changes, but often stem from parenting patterns passed down through generations, deeply influencing how people relate to others and manage their emotions throughout life.

Parents, regardless of traditional roles or gender, often operate within a system that shapes their approach to children’s emotional needs. In countries like Kosovo, where traditional values and elements of contemporary life collide, a lack of emotional security is often normalized and passed down through generations. For example, some parents may be physically present but fail to provide emotional security — not out of a lack of love, but because they themselves have never experienced such support. This makes it difficult for them to develop the ability to create and offer emotional security as parents.

Roots of neglect

In many families, previous generations, such as grandparents, focused on meeting basic needs and were often preoccupied with challenges like hard work or economic hardship, leaving little room for emotional support. For example, the question “How are you feeling today?” may not have been part of everyday communication and this absence was normalized.

In contexts of rapid political, social and economic transformation, parenting often becomes an act of survival. The challenges of unemployment, migration and lack of resources can leave parents feeling overwhelmed and emotionally disconnected. Although they strive to provide a better life for their children, this often comes at the cost of neglecting their emotional needs. This is not a personal failure, but rather a consequence of systemic and intergenerational factors.

This parenting model has created a silent cycle in which a lack of emotional security becomes a deeply ingrained legacy.

Additionally, from a psychological perspective, emotional neglect can also be seen as a byproduct of the capitalist system. Capitalism, with its focus on productivity, competition and material success, often drives people to prioritize work and achievement over building healthy emotional relationships. This creates a cycle in which time, energy and awareness for meeting the emotional needs of both oneself and one’s children are lacking, further deepening emotional disconnection within families and society.

Despite increased awareness of the importance of emotional connections, many people continue to face the consequences of this cycle — which explains the frequent problems with attachment styles and the difficulties in forming healthy relationships. For example, an adult who did not experience emotional support as a child may struggle to feel secure in relationships or to cope with emotional conflicts. This shows that emotional neglect is more than a contemporary phenomenon; it is a legacy that has shaped the way people manage emotions and build relationships.

Children raised in these conditions often struggle to set healthy boundaries, express their needs and build strong relationships as adults. An individual who has experienced emotional neglect may feel insecure and fear rejection, whether in personal or professional relationships, which affects their well-being and the quality of their connections.

Imagine a child raised in a family where silence is more common than communication, and where emotions are seen as a sign of weakness. When this child grows up and encounters a partner who seeks emotional intimacy, they may struggle to open up and share their feelings, even though they long for connection. When the partner tries to create space for empathy, the emotionally neglected person may respond with insecurity and withdrawal, not due to a lack of interest, but because empathy feels unfamiliar and frightening.

Studies show that children who experience emotional neglect are more likely to face mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. These consequences are not limited to the neglected children; they extend to the relationships, communities and culture they help shape.

It is in this gap that intergenerational failures are born and the seeds of emotional neglect are sown. The consequences ripple outward: adults struggling with intimacy, children seeking validation through external accomplishments and societies built on silent despair.

To address this problem, it is essential to recognize that emotional neglect is a systemic issue that requires broad interventions, including social and economic measures that promote emotional well-being. This includes raising awareness about the importance of emotional health, supporting parents in developing emotional skills and creating policies that ease the pressures on families.

Ultimately, to transform relationships and heal intergenerational emotional wounds, we need to return to what truly matters: building secure and meaningful connections with others.

Feature image: Atdhe Mulla / K2.0

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