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Votes for pitalka

By - 09.06.2017

The final installment of election season.

With election day looming large on Sunday, election season has unleashed its wildest frenzy yet, with people talking to ghosts, the cheapest bribes for votes imaginable, drones and pop star performances. Here are K2.0’s favourite events of the last seven days.

Most literal minded

It seems that PDK candidate Leonora Morina Bunjaku took her party chairman’s promise of “a pickaxe in the hand and food in the mouth” a little too literally this week, handing out free pitalka to the people of Gjilan. After facing criticism from the media, Bunjaku apologized, clearly regretting not also distributing a pickaxe. The people of Gjilan are hardworking Leonora, they don’t just want to eat for free.

Most respected ghost

Kosovo’s first president and leader of the peaceful resistance Ibrahim Rugova, struggled to get much rest this week. First he was paid a visit by LDK’s candidate for prime minister, Avdullah Hoti. Alone and mournful, we can only guess Hoti was seeking counsel for Sunday’s showdown from beyond the grave. K2.0 is wondering if he received the same advice as LDK candidate Hazir Borovci, who told the press a few weeks ago of his conversation with Ibrahim.

Later in the week, LDK president Isa Mustafa elevated undead Ibrahim to the status of Holy Ghost, stating that for LDK not to mention Rugova is like Muslims neglecting to mention Muhammad, or Christians forgetting Jesus. Clearly swept up in the new religion, Alternativa president Mimoza Kusari addressed an audience of her new coalition partner’s members with a stirring chant on Thursday of: Ru! Go! Va! Ru! Go! Va! Ru! Go! Va! Such a shame Mimi didn’t have the chance to express this adoration when Ibrahim was alive….

Most outdated party member

Vetevendosje candidate for deputy Fisnik Ismaili was invigorating a televised debate on culture with some trademark VV fire, passion, obnoxiousness and dismissiveness on Wednesday night. Glued to his phone during other candidates’ responses, we can only assume that Ismaili was receiving instructions from above. Sorry Fis, nationalism, aggression and t-shirts are out, the new VV is all ties, Kosovo positivity and social conscience.

Most overworked top button

Speaking of which, no one can be looking forward to the end of this election more than Albin Kurti. Whilst campaigning is all well and good, popping that collar and remembering the steps to tying a tie every single day must have been beyond draining. Here’s to Albin watching Sunday night’s results unfold, beer in hand, top button undone.

Biggest decision maker

In a campaign appearance in Ferizaj this week, LDK president Isa Mustafa spoke of the big decisions his government took in the last term. K2.0 salutes the outgoing prime minister for both his honesty and decisiveness. From the Association to Demarcation, from health insurance to the army, Mustafa and the PDK-LDK coalition boldly took the decision to delay progress for another day. A big government making big decisions.

Highest campaign strategy

AAK candidate Burbuqe Bakija-Deva signalled her sky high ambitions by using a drone to carry her posters high above the city of Gjakova, in a campaign strategy seemingly organized by Albania’s favourite football hooligan, Ballisti. At number 48 in the voting list, Burbuqe must be hoping for a repeat of the drone-initiated miracle that took Albania all the way to the promised land last summer.

99 promises but the village ain’t one

PDK’s secretive new platform #FillimiRi contains 99 promises including the creation of the exciting sounding “Ministry of Innovation and Urban Development.” One of the first innovations to be explored is how to possibly create a website for PDK to house all of the illuminated ideas contained inside #FillimiRi.

The creation of the Ministry however has not been well received by many PDK members due to the discriminatory nature of its name, and serious concerns that it may restrict public employment opportunities amongst its supporter base. Ninety-nine promises could easily turn to 100 as we eagerly await the announcement of the “Ministry of Innovation and Rural Development.”

…. and the Grammy goes to….

K2.0’s all-time favourite, Ganimete Musliu, who dropped a powerful performance of last summer’s football anthem, Elvana Gjata’s Kuq e Zi, at a campaign meeting seemingly intended to inspire women to vote for their empowerment through the power of nationalistic pop songs. In a video recording of the event, Musliu’s passion for singing is only outstripped by her ardent feminism and desire for eagle-hands selfies.K

Feature image: Agan Kosumi / Kosovo 2.0