Over a decade ago, while working for a nongovernmental organization, I sent daily requests to education directorates across Kosovo for permission to hold grassroots training on sexual and reproductive health, rights and gender-based violence. These requests, aimed at schools in Kosovo’s villages, were mostly approved without delay. Apart from a few minor exceptions, there were no significant obstacles. Some school principals might have been a bit disappointed or angry, but that would be it.

We campaigned, held discussions and wrote letters to institutions, advocating alongside activists and nongovernmental organizations for sex education to become an integral part of school curricula. We would show up on TV and give interviews to newspapers, saying how teachers often skipped the biology pages explaining bodies and sex. We pointed out how this deprived students of essential knowledge. Drawing from our fieldwork, we shared how little was discussed or understood about reproductive and sexual health and rights.

And yet, nothing would penetrate public consciousness. Not even in 2021, when activists filled the squares, protesting and demanding the inclusion of sex education in the curriculum following a number of reports of sexual harassment and assaults in schools.

Successive governments ignored our calls. Sex education never became a mandatory subject in Kosovo’s schools, remaining a dormant issue at worst and a topic discussed among civil society activists and organizations at best.

Recently, things changed — sex education started to be discussed more. However, the discussion got both the premise and direction wrong. Eman Rrahmani, a former Vetëvendosje (VV) deputy and now a member of Lista për Familjen, sparked this debate. Rrahmani took the floor during the November 11, 2024 session of the Kosovo Assembly, in which the draft law on budget allocations for the next year was debated.

Rrahmani began his speech by demanding an account of how much money was spent on “passing the law allowing a man and another man to marry or live together.” He then questioned the minister of culture, asking why “every project of the ministry so far has prioritized the protection of the LGBT community.” He also challenged the minister of health, asking how much money was spent “to allow a child to be denied the right to know who his father and mother are.”

Rrahmani turned next to his former party member, Arbërie Nagavci, the minister of education, science, technology, and innovation. Rrahmani questioned her about the “curriculum for sex education and reproductive health,” among other things, asking, “Why does the family bother you?”

Rrahmani was likely asking about the list of elective subjects the Ministry of Education, Science, Technology, and Innovation (MESTI) proposed to the municipal directorates for education in June 2023, which included sex education. During his speech, he referred to the contents of three teacher’s handbooks on sex education and reproductive health.

In the handbook for first through fifth grades, there is an activity called “companion of the blind,” which, as described in the handbook, aims to help students increase interaction and reflect on ways of communication. Teachers are instructed to place the students in pairs. In each pair, one student acts as the blind person, while the other is their companion. “The companion of the blind person can do whatever they want with the blind person for about five minutes, then they exchange roles,” the description reads. At the end, students describe how they felt.

The handbooks, upon a brief review, have noticeable linguistic issues and often read like mistranslations. While this matters, as the text can be misunderstood, Rrahmani went out of his way to deliberately distort and manipulate the facts during the session on November 11. 

He claimed that the handbooks instruct a girl and a boy to stand in front of the class, as one closes their eyes and the other touches them all over their body for five minutes, then identifies which organ they touched. It was so easy for him to convince the government and opposition of this, both of whom raced to distance themselves from sex education and poured their energies into a competition for who is the so-called traditional family’s foremost protector.

Thus, the Municipality of Prishtina quickly took the lead in banning the use of these handbooks. The Municipality of Vushtrri followed, claiming that these handbooks would degrade the “holy family.” During a meeting in Shtime, the leader of the Democratic League of Kosovo (LDK), Lumir Abdixhiku, sent word to those who “have thought and are thinking of putting their hands on Kosovar families,” telling them, “keep your hands away from the family; keep your hands away from children.” His words brought the hall to its feet in enthusiastic support.

Finally, Kosovo’s prime minister, Albin Kurti, posted a video on Facebook in which he stated that his government’s policies are for children and the family. He also announced that the MESTI had issued a decision to stop the use of these handbooks.

Ahead of the general elections, which are set for February 9, 2025, it seems that political parties are eager to exploit any opportunity to grab more votes. This time, children’s welfare became the means rather than the end. What will it be next?

What now?

A decade later, one thing is clear: the requests I used to send to the directorates would likely not be approved today. Not only would they not be approved, they would be actively rejected.

If back then, we faced minor bureaucratic hurdles or a school director who might frown after hearing about discussions on sex education but chose to stay silent, today, things have changed. Talking about sex education today is no longer just something awkward that we are not used to. Today, there is a clear political and ideological articulation against sex education and similar initiatives. That grim-faced director I mentioned earlier would not be satisfied with just a frown on his face. But he wouldn’t have to bother with stopping the activity, as the government and municipal directorates of education handle these tasks now.

With the complete rejection of sex education, children are now unlikely to learn about it at all — whether what they learn is good or bad. While the opposition’s hostility to sex education was expected, the rejection of sex education has occurred because the government followed Rrahmani’s lead. The government did not stand behind its list of elective subjects, discuss the poor quality of education, emphasize the importance of sex education in schools and assert that it stands by the view that sex education is needed. It failed to clearly say that while these handbooks might be bad, sex education is not.

Above all, the government failed to steer clear of a narrow debate framed around the problematic dichotomy of being either pro-family or anti-family. Instead, they aligned with Rrahmani and those who think like him. Children were “protected” from sex education through quick bans. But until meaningful discussion on sex education, reproductive health and rights takes place, children will be deprived of the knowledge they are entitled to.

Comprehensive sex education would teach children what sexual harassment is and why it violates physical, mental and sexual integrity — because they would also learn about bodily integrity.

By understanding what harassment is, children would learn how to tell their parents and teachers if they feel threatened or are being harassed by anyone, be it their peers or, as we have seen in a number of cases, teachers. In June 2023, a teacher was arrested on suspicion of sexually assaulting a student in Deçan; in November 2023, media reported that a teacher in Prizren had been sexually harassing a female student; and in March 2024, reports surfaced of another teacher accused of sexually harassing a female student in Lipjan. Students would learn about power and how it can be used to sexually exploit children. They would also learn that victim-blaming is a tactic used by those who benefit from harassment and violence. Girls would learn that it is not their fault.

Through comprehensive sex education, children would learn that they have the right to say “no” and the right to expect that their “no” is respected. They would understand that “no” is a complete answer, and that “no” means “no” everywhere — in the classroom, in a motel, on the street, or in the bathroom. As a result, boys would grow up not thinking they have eternal, unlimited power over girls’ bodies. Girls would grow up without having to fight for their lives every day.

By shutting down the conversation about sex education, we close a precious opportunity to root out gender-based violence and femicide long before they occur. It is an opportunity to save girls’ lives. And boys, too. It is an opportunity to not always start the discussion after women, who were once children, are killed, and before men, who were once children, fill prison cells. It is a missed opportunity to protect children and help them break the cycle of violence.

Through sex education, children would learn about their bodies. They would understand what happens when their voice deepens, when their menstrual cycle begins and when their breasts start to develop. They would learn that the euphemisms we often hear have a name — menstruation — and it’s a natural process that no one should be ashamed of. Boys would learn, and teachers too, that they should not expect girls to hide their sanitary pads as if they were bags of poison. Girls would learn that they deserve the space they occupy and don’t need to shrink or contort so much that their back hurts in order to hide their growth. Boys would learn to respect that growth.

Sex education would teach students that sexual activity should happen only when they feel ready, free from external pressure or coercion. It helps them recognize and resist social pressures. Boys, in particular, would learn that girls are not trophies. They would understand that girls’ bodies are not their property and that respecting a girl’s autonomy is essential. They would also learn that choosing to abstain from sexual activity is just as fine. They would learn that girls’ sexual and bodily autonomy is not theirs to debate or influence.

Children would learn that there is nothing unusual, degenerate, or shameful if they don’t feel like growing their hair, if they like a boy instead of a girl, if instead of their school uniform dress they want to wear pants. In this way, we would protect children from both oppression and exclusion, as well as from becoming oppressive or exclusionary themselves.

Instead of doing politics for the people, both the government and the opposition opted for useless rhetoric. They chose not to start conversations about the long-term importance of sex education. They chose to let problems continue and then lament when they happen: femicide, when women are killed; the oppression of LGBTQ+ people, when they are persecuted; rape, when women are raped; sexually transmitted diseases, when we lack the capacity to treat them; interpersonal violence between men, when one has beaten another to death and so on.

And then life goes on as usual for those in power.

It is a fact that children would learn a lot from sex education. But this time, we saw that those who need to learn more about and from sex education are actually the grown ups.

Feature image: K2.0.

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